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The worst playlist challenge ever ended with Mrs. Clay Matthews guessing the theme (covers) 15 seconds into the first song. 

Masta Pu$$y dominated after his horrible showing last month, and too home the bracelet. Andre took the lead for the season, which obviously has to be fixed. 

This years Delaware Park Open was a Survivor tournament.

Masta Pu$$y was out after just three hands.

Coach took home the bracelet (and is now tied in second place with Moe for all-time bracelets at 14). Moe took the lead for the season.

Junior hosted GOPT Event #91. Masta Pu$$y bullied and muscled his way to a decisive victory. He is now in the lead for the season. 

Moe’s disrespectful behavior soon after his (late) arrival was duly punished by Junior, who continually chipped him down throughout the first game. 

Andre got friendly with a pair of disembodied legs, and demonstrated his solid Shake Weight skills. 

Waxcuses never transferred the cards and bracelets to Junior — that’s a shot. 

2016-2017 Season Standings

Number 90! Siri got a cake, which was never touched.

Junior tried to introduce the mid-flop burn card, but no one else is open-minded enough to recognize its value.

Andre unveiled his new all-in phrase, “Fuck it, suck it, Kirby Puckett!”. It’s great.

Waxcuses went home victorious, after a hot start, a dry middle, and a hot end. Don’t think about that too much.

Rule 2.4 was approved unanimously.

Player rankings in a season are determined first by the total number of points earned in that season, then by total number of bracelets won in the season so far, then by finishing order in the most recent event. Whoever is ranked first by this definition at the conclusion of the season’s last event (typically in July) is the Season Champion, and will receive a double-special bracelet.

Junior proposes a new rule to clarify season rankings in the case of a tie in points, and to establish the existence of Season Champions in the rules. The proposed rule is as follows:

“Player rankings in a season are determined first by the total number of points earned in that season, then by total number of bracelets won in the season so far, then by finishing order in the most recent event. Whoever is ranked first by this definition at the conclusion of the season’s last event (typically in July) is the Season Champion, and will receive a double-special bracelet.”

Case study: Junior is currently tied in points with both Masta Pu$$y and The Bieb, and won the most recent bracelet. This new rule would establish that Junior is currently in first place because he has the most bracelets. Also, if at the end of a season, the two leaders end up tied in points, the season champion will be the one who won the most bracelets throughout the season.

[Updated with input from Siri, adding the ranking criteria on number of bracelets.]

Kicking off the new season with a bang, Coach hosted, provided cake, and shared the worst playlist known to man. 

Waxcuses’ mental state was closely monitored via deep rectal probe.

The first purple bracelet was up for grabs, and while Andre was within reach of his second all-time bracelet, Junior took it home — thus ending a long dry spell which lasted through the entirety of the 2015-2016 season. 

Link: 2016-2017 Season Details

An extraordinary collection of mishaps, the 88th GOPT event went off with several hitches.

Andre was on a tear, and almost took his second bracelet. A 6 on the turn (which doubled up Junior late in the second game) was the first in a series of nails in his coffin. Mrs. Clay Matthews took home the bracelet. 

Moe took over mid-deal with the second deck of cards, almost changing the outcome of the night.

Moe was crowned the 2015-2016 champion. And when I say he was crowed, I mean that everyone forgot it was the last game of the season and left.

Waxcuses and Moe failed to pay their buy-ins and dues, so they each owe two shots next time, according to rule 3.1.3. 

That was an insane showing by Larry. He takes he money, Siri takes the GOPT bracelet. 

To celebrate completing a full cycle through the hosting rotation since recognizing the need for a digital payment solution, Mrs. Clay Matthews purchased a cake. Happy 86th, good ol Peepaw Tom. 

“You need me on this sausage. You want me on this sausage.” – Andre, who banked two shots, but argued that it was only one. 

Coach had an absolutely unstoppable string of hands and won both games handily. This lead to a very quick night, which wrapped up at 10:15. Waxcuses would have been excited, had he been in attendance.