September 22, 2017: GOPT Event #101

Siri took home the first bracelet of the season!

101 dalmations

August 30th, 2017: THE HUNDGE

The Hundge was in the right hands from the start. Coach surprised us with Kip’s presence, homemade cake, an aged champagne toast, and most impressively, a commissioned art piece that was put up for auction.

Screech made a virtual appearance, in time for a motivational introductory speech from Siri. Siri’s words left us inspired, just in time for some generally uninspired poker play.

“Heart and farts they fade. Fade away.”
-Siri

“I bought her a bike, so she shut up for a little while.”
-Waxcuses

“Something rhymes with fist, I think.”
-Coach

Keynote speech by Siri:

A journey.

It is defined as a long and often difficult process of personal change and development. It is a process that can take years of dedication, years of study, years of practice, and years of small steps forward and back. But this journey we have undertaken, it has been destined since inception to conclude in one man’s transcendence of history, to forever be etched into the GOPT annals.

Our journey started in the before times, in which the ancient scrolls describe poker nights filled with whimsical games like 7 card stud, baseball, nickel, dime, quarter, and both modified and regular bean marriage. But on one fateful day our world was overrun by a force like none had ever seen…ESPN televised poker tournaments. It was these gripping tales of despair and euphoria which taught us about the ultimate prize – the bracelets which have come to define the modern GOPT era.

The first such bracelet was issued in this very location way back on November 8, 2007. That first bracelet was a one of a kind artistic masterpiece and it set in motion a tradition unlike any other. Over time, the bracelets have taken many forms, from silicone etched, to metal ESSOP, to shitty participation, to hot pink first time champion, to the literal nuts of the Downtown Newark Open, and finally, to the unequaled symbol of dominance that awaits our champion today.

Gentlemen, long ago we started out on a journey, and tonight, we have reached our destination. Who among us will walk away a mere witness to history, and who will walk away having made it? The Greater Oxford Poker Tour’s landmark 100th bracelet event (“The Hundge”) starts right now.

Who’s ready for some poker?

Waxcuses walked away with victory, his head held high, basking in the admiration of his peers.

Sully ended up season champion, which means nothing, and no one gives a shit, so whatever.

July 26th, 2017: GOPT Event #99 (The Pre-Hunge)

🎵🎶 JRo’s got a boat! 🎶🎵 – Siri, to the theme of Janie’s got a gun.

🎵🎶 HUUNNNNGGGEEEE 🎶🎵 – Siri, to the theme of the background vocals in One

“I’ll leave it at forty.” – Junior, dominated.

Mrs. Matthews hosted a successful event, and a great warmup for the HUNDGE. He also took home the bracelet, his fifth.

Downtown Newark Open 2017 (GOPT Event #98)

Moe “planned” another major in his signature style. Despite no lucky food trucks, it went off without a hitch.

In an unprecedented finish, Andre took home the hardware, and his first major title. 

 

May 31, 2017: GOPT Event #97

Andre hosted after some scheduling mishaps, and ended the night in frustration after a few bad beats.

The worst beat of the night, however, was when Waxcuses was told he had a straight flush (2 through 6) and celebrated — only to realize Coach had the nuts, with a straight flush (3-7), also not having realized it.

Moe’s unacceptable winning streak was ended, and Coach took home the bracelet after winning both tournaments.

AC BABY 2017: April 13, 2017 (GOPT Event #96)

This year started with a new twist; Moe’s new penalty for Bracket Busters, which ultimately landed him in a mesh shirt. The entire group managed to look more ridiculous than ever.

Moe ended up victorious in the tournament.

In celebration of three decades years of THE PASO (formerly known as Junior), celebration at the Duck Bar ensured that he was nearly unconcious, leaning up against a brick wall.

Many hours at Planet Rose wrapped up another successful AC Baby.

T-Shirt Draft Seeds

Keep up with AC Baby 2017 t-shirt seeds here.

March 24, 2017: GOPT Event #95

We started and ended the evening by terrorizing Waxcuses’ Alexa. “Alexa, order creamed corn.” “Alexa, order 3,000,000 small condoms.” At the beginning of the evening, too many people were screaming at the same time for any order to be confirmed. At the end of the night, however, Junior successfully ordered a $200 jug of lube on Waxcuses’ credit card. Free shipping!

“We’re missing an HDMA cable.”

“Coach likes it in the can!”

“Dicks! They’re what’s for dinner.” … “Goddamn, they’re so good.”

Moe won, apparently.

February 16, 2017: GOPT Event #94

When Waxcuses came down with some unholy infection, Moe stepped up at the last minute to host GOPT event #94. This earned him the rare prize of GOPTer of the Month for February 2017.

Junior had the cards for the first game, and took the first tournament despite only just barely being able to see over the edge of the table.

Andre, who has somehow still never seen The League despite embodying his namesake, was super close to taking the bracelet, then not so close, and then he lost it. He could just about smell it.

andre sniff

Moe took it home, and there was a four-way tie in payouts for the top four players.

See the 2016-2017 season standings here.

February 2017 GOPTer of the Month

The GOPTer of the month is Moe, for stepping up to host when Waxcuses got a case of the Hershey squirts. 

Smiley face